


The art of grieving

by miikeyboy



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Adorable Jester (Critical Role), Angst, Depressed Caleb Widogast, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode 26 spoilers, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, M/M, Multi, Smut, Trans Caleb Widogast, not sure if im gonna add smut but just as a precaution
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-10-19 02:56:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17593301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miikeyboy/pseuds/miikeyboy
Summary: nobody handles death the same. caleb and jester handle death in different ways.





	1. the art of leaving

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to the art of grieving! all lowercase is intentional!  
> let me know what you think!  
> updates will be a little irregular so be on the lookout for the next chapter!

they were always so careful. caleb always put up his alarm spell. there was someone always on watch. caleb and nott had volunteered to take the first watch. caleb was tired and wanted to just sleep with his partners. for his turn, he fought sleep, occasionally looking over at his two sleeping lovers. jester and molly. the two tieflings were curled up, jester resting her head on molly's chest on the right side. molly had one arm free for when caleb finished his watch. it was how they always did things. 

caleb's watch came to an uneventful close and he woke up yasha and fjord for their watch. he trudged back towards his lovers and slipped into his usual place, back pressed against molly's side. molly's arm and tail found their place around caleb. it was nice that night. it was slightly chilly but nothing too bad. the sky was somewhat clear. after a while of trying to find rest, caleb rolled over and curled into molly's side, taking in his scent. vanilla and grass. it always seemed to ground caleb. he could hear fjord and yasha's not so quiet talk about how good things are. 

"some people are trying to sleep," caleb heard jester say sleepily. caleb smiled into molly's side. "sorry jester." yasha whispered back to her. caleb tuned out the rest of the conversation when he felt molly shift as jester stood. "cay-leb?" jester whispered, shaking him gently. "ja?" caleb answered back, not opening his eyes, sleep slowly overtaking him. "me, fjord, and yasha are gonna take a walk. i'll be back soon, okay?" caleb nodded in response. he wishes he told her to just stay. to just cuddle up with him or maybe to just stay in the range of the alarm spell. but he didn't. "okay, i love you." jester leaned down and kissed his head. molly wrapped both arms around caleb, pulling him closer and caleb drifted off.

the next morning was cold. unusually cold. they all woke around the same time. nott calling for jester and pocket bacon. when no response came, nott suggested that the blue tiefling was "taking a dump in the woods" before rolling back over. caleb couldn't help but feel a pit in his stomach and it was clear that molly felt that same. 

"fjord never came back after watch last night." molly piped up, looking at the group confused. caleb stood, trying to find his blue lover. molly gently reached up and grabbed his hand, clearly just as worried. he couldn't find anything. beau asked about yasha and nott just brushed it off saying that "she just does that sometimes". the rest of the nein could tell that something was off. they just couldn't figure out what that something was. 

"the traveler's bullshit!" molly stood and called out. nothing. the woods fell into an unsettling silence. caleb could feel the pit in his stomach building as molly went to check the other's tents. caleb could see jester's shield and weapon, just left alone on the ground. he felt tears being to weld up in his eyes.

in a panic, caleb called frumpkin and began his spell. he quickly turned the usual cat into a falcon. nothing felt right. as he cast the spell, caleb felt tears pricking at the sides of his eyes. he still had hope. some part of him hoped that they were just playing a prank on them. jester did love pranks. 

as frumpkin changed, he jumped onto caleb's shoulder. "i know, i am sorry. i will change you back as fast as i can. i need you to look for the three you do not see here. the green one, the blue one, and the goth one. go!" caleb commanded and frumpkin set off. caleb looked towards molly with desperation in his eyes. molly looked back at him and gave him a hopeful smile and nod.

caleb zoned into frumpkin's vision and quickly saw a large patch of grass that had been pushed down, not there the night before. there were drag marks and that's when he finally let the tears go. caleb came back out and molly was sitting in front of him. "baby, what did you see?" molly wiped away from tears and caleb sobbed. "there was a struggle, this way." he lead the group over to the grooves that he saw and molly held onto him the entire time. 

"what the fuck...." beau whispered, looking at the grass. it looked like there was a big fight here and caleb put the pieces together. "where do you think they are now?" nott looked up at caleb, gently grabbing his hand. "i-i don't..." caleb felt his knees weaken and before he could fully slip onto his knees, molly caught his waist and pulled caleb against his chest. "caleb. it's okay. it's going to be okay. we're going to get them back. we're going to get her back." molly whispered into caleb's hair, shushing his cries. 

the four of them, well mainly molly and beau and nott, talked about what could've gone down. they went back to camp and molly led caleb back towards their tent. caleb called frumpkin back and the bird rested on caleb's shoulder, headbutting caleb's cheek. molly sat caleb down on the bedroom all three of the lovers shared. "caleb, look at me." molly kneed down infront of the sobbing wizard. 

"ich wolle meine lieblingssüßigkeit." caleb cried into molly's shoulder, clinging onto the lavender man tightly. molly ran a hand up and down caleb's back, kissing the man's head over and over again. "i know baby, i do too." molly pulled back and held caleb's head in his hands. he gently brushed caleb's tears away and smiled. "there's my handsome wizard. now, i need you to be strong if we want to get her back. the time for tears is when we get her back." molly held his pinky up and smiled. caleb slowly intertwined his pinky with molly's and leaned over to kiss him. "versprochen ?" caleb whispered. "versprochen." molly answered back, making caleb smile at the bad accent. they would get her back. caleb was sure of it.


	2. the art of losing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is character death in this chapter just so you know!

the plan was set. keg would cut down a tree, the rest hiding. caleb would release his slow spell and chaos would ensue. they decided to rest up before the attack so the group was set up for the night. in his and molly's tent, caleb hid in his book, preparing his spells. he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder. 

"caleb...caleb..." he heard a distant voice. "j..ja?" he looked up, confused. it was mollymauk. "there you are. was worried for a second." molly asked, sitting down next to him. caleb found himself curling into molly's side. "i'm okay. nervous but that's normal." caleb turned back to his book. "no no...give me that. i need you here with me." caleb whined as molly took the book away from him. "there're be a lot going on tomorrow. i want you with me for the night." molly kissed caleb's head. molly put caleb's book away and the two cuddled up with the other. 

"i hope the plan goes well. i don't think i can take another moment without our little blueberry." molly laughed. caleb nodded in agreement, "i miss her." the two fell into a comfortable silence. not wanting to break that silence, caleb ran his fingers through molly's hair. the tiefling curled up into caleb's lap and purred softly. "you are just like a cat, like frumpkin but bigger." molly laughed and caleb felt a warmth spred in his chest. "yeah and just like frumpkin, i am your cat," molly remarked and stuck his forked tongue out at caleb. 

"when was the last time you took off your wrappings?" molly asked, sitting up. caleb shrugged, "i do not remember. i should be fine thought." molly shook his head and started pulling caleb's shirt and coak off. "you know it can hurt you, darling." molly began to unwrap the bandages that bound caleb's chest. once the wrappings were off, caleb took a deep full breath for the first time in a while. "there you go. better?" molly asked, gently rubbing caleb's sides. "ja..." caleb leaned forward, resting his head on molly's shoulder and slowly felt himself drift off to sleep.

-

where did the plan go wrong? caleb felt the breath leave his body as the blade entered molly's chest. molly went down trying to activate his magic and fucking lorenzo took advantage of that. lorenzo took both caleb's loves from him. caleb watched as beau reached out to stop the blade but fell short. 

caleb got up and began to cast his scoring ray, looking at the rest of the group. lorenzo looked at beau, smirking as the woman deflected the two arrows that were fired at her. "is it time for another? or have you learned your lesson?" beau had tears running down her face as she responded. "you should know....i have no respect for authority." 

caleb watched as a member of lorenzo's team moved closer to him, readying her attack. looking over the shoulder of the barbarian in front of him, caleb watched as keg ran up to lorenzo and beau, calling out to the giant man. "stop! stop! make me the example....just st-stop! stop attacking them." no, no more death. caleb felt every ounce of him, begging whatever god could hear him to just stop everything. 

everything was going to just absolute shit. nott was running toward him, desperate. caleb head beau and keg shouting in the distance and suddenly everything was a blur. a tinderbox was lit and suddenly lorzeno was on fire. it didn't seem to do much. nothing seemed to be doing much. she seemed to have given up and ran towards nott and caleb. 

"looks like we have an eye for an eye situation." lorenzo state, pointing to another dead body on the battlefield, "said you wanted to be an example, huh?" more words were exchanged and suddenly everyone was retreating. lorenzo led keg to stand in front of the three mighty nein who were left. he pushed her down to her knees and then looked at the group.

"the iron shepherds have a reputation...and i expect you to tell everyone you come across what happened here today and what a mistake it is to turn against us." lorenzo pulled his giant blade back and leaned down to keg, telling her he was going to let her live. the man soon left, leaving the 4 in a state of shock. 

caleb couldn't stop staring at molly. the blood still dripping from out of the side of the purple man's mouth. beau was radiating with rage and sadness, tears rolling down her face. 

-

 

caleb was sitting alone. molly's heart pendant in his palm. caleb let out a sob, clutching the heart. he had lost so much that day. they had already buried molly, marking his grave with a tall stick and his coat. that stupid bright coat. he grabbed at his arms, scratching desperately. who was going to be there for him? he was alone. he needed jester or else...well he wasn't sure what the 'or else' was because he was practically useless on his own. he was a squishy cowardly wizard. caleb sat on his shitty bed in his shitty room in this shitty inn in this shitty town run by shitty people. the shitty people who took both of his lovers. 

caleb stood, removing his jacket and shirt the same way that molly and jester usually do for him. he gently rubbed the wrapping around his chest. who knows when the last time changed them was or when he took them off last. normally, molly or jester reminded him because no one else really knew. he wanted to just keep it a secret. caleb stretched, ribs hurting like a bitch. he unwrapped the bandaging and gently laid them on a chair. he put his shirt back on. he strung his silver thread around his room, casting alarm. 

he lied down on the shitty bed and took a deep breath. he tried to do that stupid grounding thing that jester taught him but he kept messing up. 

5 things that he could see..okay he could do that. 1. the moon 2. the door 3. his bandages 4. the bed frame 5. his books. 

okay yeah, he could do this. 

4 things he could feel...1. frumpkin 2. his chest rising 3. the blankets 4. the wind. 

caleb found himself relaxing more and more. he could do it. 

3 things he could smell...1. the smell of animal shit outside 2. his own stinkiness 3. the smoke from the candle burning

shit, the candle! caleb got up quickly, blew out the candle, and lied back down in the same position.

2 things he could hear..1. frumpkin breathing 2. beau and nott talking in the next room

almost done. caleb could feel himself slowly falling asleep.

1 thing he could taste......1. the last kiss molly ever gave him.

before caleb fell into a dreamless sleep, caleb swore that he would kill lorenzo and get jester back, no matter what it cost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you all enjoy this chapter! sorry it took so long.  
> let me know what you think and the next chapter will be up before april i hope.  
> bye!

**Author's Note:**

> german translations:  
> ich wolle meine lieblingssüßigkeit = i want my favorite sweet  
> versprochen = promise
> 
> (thank you to everyone who helped me on the translations! i have only taken 3 years of german so i'm not the best!)


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